Wakako Yamauchi - Songs My Mother Taught Me
For Yamauchi, The Desert Acts as a Place of Refuge and Repose
Feb 23, 2009
In Wakako Yamauchi’s Songs My Mother Taught Me, the desert landscape is portrayed as having a comforting effect on the author:
“Evenings were longer now, and when my mother’s migraines drove me from the house in unbearable self-pity, I would take walks in the desert. One night with the warm wind against me, the primrose and yellow poppies closed and fluttering, the greasewood swaying in languid orbit, I lay on the white sand beneath a shrub and tried to disappear” (Yamauchi, 24).
The Desert
This passage shows the author looking to the desert for guidance in her time of distress. She is desperately seeking refuge from the dysfunctional relationship she has with her mother. It seems that there is an element of time the author wants to escape from. That is, while her “evenings were longer now,” the desert appears to be a place of rest and solitude. From a definitional standpoint, one could say that Yamauchi’s landscape is portrayed as a place of escape from turmoil, and one in which the author finds her inner peace.
Yamauchi cannot help being drawn to the desert’s landscape. The overall description is shown to have a soft and warm feeling. The mentions of “primrose and yellow poppies” further deepen the attachment the author cannot flee from. The “greasewood swaying in languid orbit” also gives off a trance-like image the author is mesmerized by. However, the author is also shown to be in a state of depression.
Similar to Her Mother
One could argue that her overall mental state parallels her mother’s. That is, the reference of “my mother’s migraines drove me from the house in unbearable self-pity” clearly shows that the author is taking on the problems of her mother’s in a way that is never explicitly said. The author also seems to be asking for a kind of forgiveness, because the daughter seems to feel responsible for her mother’s agony and suffering. These migraines bring on a heavy burden the author cannot seem to cope with internally, desperately seeking for emotional assistance.
What is Yamauchi Searching For?
In sum, Yamauchi is seeking an external place that can help her exorcise her demons. This notion parallels the end of this passage: “lies down on the white sand beneath a shrub and tried to disappear.” The author wants to escape her own body or may want to have an out of body experience. The references of “white” and “disappear” seem to show that she may possess a fatalistic view. She may want to fall asleep and never wake up again. But most importantly she wants to become one with the desert. That is, she desires to forever be immersed in this peace and forgiveness that only the desert landscape can offer her.
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